What Must be Said
by Lisa Telramor
Summary: A short Kai/Shin story, kind of fluff, but contains angsty themes. Kaito and Shinichi took a long time to say those three important words. Better late than never, right? Belongs to Gosho-sama, not me.


There was never a dramatic moment when Kudo Shinichi and Kuroba Kaito came to the realization that they were in love. No, the building emotions that surrounded their frequent interactions would have gone ignored, called off as nothing more than friendship and rivalry if it hadn't been for the accident. Even then, having drawn closer due to mutual grief over the loss of the most important people in their lives, it wasn't 'love'. It wasn't acknowledged.

Shinichi trusted Kaito. Kaito trusted Shinichi. It was how things had worked out. After the accident, with no one else who really understood, they had started meeting, not just under the moonlight and in disguise, but person to person. It was only natural that they moved in together when they started college. They were inseparable, so similar in appearance, but two opposites, like different sides to the same coin. Who could be surprised when one day it seemed natural to hold a hand discreetly…to linger in each others' arms when they hugged, to one day fall asleep next to each other…to kiss. It was a gradual process, to be sure. They were both fierce in their own ways, but they were emotionally fragile. Even then they never said those three important words.

When Kaito's career as a magician picked up and Shinichi started working with the police as a detective, they hardly saw each other except for the brief warm moments in bed, quick kissed and hurried goodbyes on their ways to work. It didn't seem to matter that they were apart. It was as if they were on the same wavelength, moving close, then away, then close again. As natural as anything, their lives consumed them, moving them away and back to the old moonlit meetings. Never mind that Kaito had long since ended his search. Never mind that Shinichi had finally won against his shadowy adversaries. The moon brought back the old intensity, the childish lightness that they had missed for so long.

One day Kaito left. He had dreams, and his dreams took him away from Shinichi. His other half understood, his job had also come to demand more than he could easily provide. Neither spoke of what they felt of the parting.

Kudo Shinichi had two great regrets: not saving Ran, and never telling her how he felt. Kaito felt the same when it came to Aoko. They both knew they were avoiding the issue, making the same mistakes, but there was the old fear still rooted as they parted. If they acknowledged it, it would be real. If it was real, it would hurt all the more when one of them was killed. So they avoided the pain and parted, still blinding themselves as if silence could change the reality of the years spent together.

Kudo Shinichi did not meet Kuroba Kaito for many years after that. The hole the thief created never closed, and no matter who tried to fill that place in his life, they never stayed as long as Kaito had, never fit the same way.

Kuroba Kaito hid his hole under the many masks he possessed like he always had. No one tried hard to look past his jester's face. No one could see what Shinichi knew. The day that the two finally admitted what they felt was many years after their first meeting. It was raining and they were seated in the café they used to visit in college. It had been a chance meeting, both of them in the area at the same time, drawn in by the nostalgia the season provided, and the promise of familiar food. Shinichi hadn't missed a beat when a much more mature Kaito slipped into the seat across from him. He might have pretended that he didn't feel suddenly complete; acting like it was just another day back in college when Kaito was perpetually making excuses for being a punctual minute late, but he didn't. He looked up and smiled. His while heart went into the familiar words, "Baka, what took you so long?"

Kaito grinned back, "Sorry, sorry. I got a bit distracted on my way back."

There was a pause as the familiar words hung peacefully in the air then, "How are you?"

"Well enough." The bright smile faded to the less known expression that Kaito only showed Shinichi, one that showed the wear and tear of life. "You?"

"Busy. Murders have yet to calm down around me."

"Heh. You always were a shinigami."

Shinichi smiled half heartedly, then looked away. "I missed you, you know."

"Me too." Their eyes met, understanding flickering between them. "Are we done with this?"

"Yeah. I'm tired of it too." Shinichi leaned forward, gaze intent. "We should have said it earlier…"

Kaito smiled, a shadow of his old mischievous smirk. "I love you Shinichi."

"I love you too Kaito." Then the moment was over, and they moved on to the more familiar territory of work and friends, ordering the same food they used to. It was the exactly the same as any day, but both everything and nothing had changed.

After that day Kaito set up his own studio nearby. He and Shinichi bought an apartment together, and they once again shared moonlit nights, warm beds, and peaceful meals. They still didn't talk much about what they were feeling. Their past had made it too difficult. But thankfully they didn't need to. Hearing those words once had been a commitment. The acknowledged the truth, and so it had become their reality, one they would uphold, forever.

* * *

_AN: I really like this pairing, but I have to admit, it would never happen unless something happened to their important people. They also both come across as stubborn people who have trouble revealing their emotions, and speak in action rather than words. Which is why I could see problems arising in their love life. I've read a ton of fics on this pairing, but this is my first time writing one. I hope you enjoy. :) _


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